Thing 9: What a character holding a blue object is thinking right now.

Preamble:
"I should probably post a disclaimer that the following could be considered adult content. I'm trying to take a new approach, as I often do, so I'm going with the first thing I thought of. I don't really write about mature content ever, so this will be an experience for all of us.

As with all of my writing, any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Names in my work tend to be painstakingly arbitrary.

Rating: PG13, at least."

This piece was originally posted to Facebook on June 3rd, 2013.

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Thing 9: What a character holding a blue object is thinking right now

Sally stared, unblinking at the blue, rubbery shaft in her hand. She slowly moved her hand back an forth, causing it to wobble lazily from side to side. The dull light reflecting off its glossy surfaced danced with the motion. It was mesmerizing.

Without looking away, she addressed her friend. "Why did you give me this?"

Rachel's smirk widened as she leaned in close and whispered, "Because you, Stuck Up Sally, need to get laid."

Sally jumped a bit in surprise. The matter-of-fact assertion caught her off guard, and subsequently snapped her back to reality. Her gaze quickly darted between Rachel and the now-quivering prosthetic member clutched in her grasp. A bright red glow rushed into her cheeks.

"What? I mean, don't say that..."

Her discomfort elicited a burst of laughter from Rachel. She straightened and put her hands on her hips as she took in Sally's discomfort with great amusement. "I speak the truth deary. You've got some serious stress built up in your lady bits, so our new, not-so-little friend here should help tide you over until we find you a man."

Sally squirmed and averted her gaze. She despeately searched the room for something that would allow her to change the subject.

"Besides..." As Rachel continued, she moved to stand right in front of her classmate, now frantic. With a quick motion, she reached up and roughly squeezed Sally's breasts, causing a surprised and frightened squeal to burst forth. "It's a crime for someone with tits this nice to still be a virgin!"

Sally was petrified, unable to comprehend what was happening to her. Her life up to now flashed before her racing mind, hysterically trying to piece together how this situation could have come to pass. She blubbered incoherently while Rachel's smile widened. Fractions of words spewed furiously forth, before finally exploding into the only sentence she could properly think to form.

"GET OFF ME!"

She pushed her assailant back and flailed her arms in an explosion of delirous motion. With Rachel having better footing through sheer confidence alone, the motion caused Sally to careen backwards. As she fell, there was a flash of blue and a resounding SLAP as a rubber shaft collided with Rachel's face.

Sally's eyes stayed starkly wide as she slowly looked up to the schocked face of her friend, still standing with her hands at chest level before her. Her face turned to one of abject horror.

"I am so sorry."

"Did you just slap me with a dildo?"

"I am so sorry."

"You just slapped me with a dildo!"

The awkward silence in the room was palpable. Both girls sat motionless for what seemed an eternity. Not even crickets dared to interject on the scene, afraid that if they made even a hint of a noise the absurdity of what just occurred may actually become real.

Eventually, Rachel managed a single sentence.

"I don't know how we're going to get past this."