Thing 20: Write a short story that is set in Argentina in 1932, in which a teacup plays a crucial role.

Originally posted to Facebook on June 19th, 2013.

Preamble:
"P.S. - Try to read this in your head with a 1930's gangster accent. Not only will it help get you in line with the film noir atmosphere of the passage, but it will make the horrible similes seem much less out of place."

Thing 20: Write a short story that is set in Argentina in 1932, in which a teacup plays a crucial role.

The year was 1932, a year when gumshoes like me were running on empty. I had made my way down to Argentina following a whisper, in search of gold and glory. For weeks I'd been coming up short, but I could feel that something big was headed my way.

That was when she walked into my life. She was the kind of dame that you wanted to bring home to your folks, legs all the way to her shoulders and a look of innocence that could make a grizzly bear weep. She came to me looking for help. Something about a teacup. Truth be told I wasn't listening, 'cause I knew I'd follow this girl to the ends of the Earth without even batting an eye. When she asked me if I'd do it, I agreed immediately.

We started making our way through the town. Something about this whole debaucle didn't sit right, but I wasn't about to let a dame like this see me sweat. Well, not figuratively, anyway. It was hot like a stack of flapjacks right off the pan, and we were melting like butter, but that didn't stop us. This gal had set her sights on something, and we were charging straight at it like a bull seeing red.

Eventually we pulled up to a seedy joint on the outskirts of the city. I didn't recognize the place, but in my line of work that wasn't too uncommon. A gumshoe knows to expect surprises. After the lady had some hushed words with the bouncer, we slip inside. It was quiet, and smoke hung in the air like laundry on the line. It was the kind of place you wouldn't take your mother if she begged you.

The dame turned to me and laid her plan on thick as jam. She would distract the owner of the joint while I snuck into the back rooms to sniff out her granny's teacup. I couldn't say no to that face if I wanted to, so I agree and we jet into action.

She walks over and starts making eyes with the big man, drawing more than a few stares as she went. I was green as a granny smith with envy, but I knew it was an act, so I made my way into the back rooms and began my search. Turns out this bar was just a front. I found all manner of unpleasant things in those rooms, but for the life of me I couldn't find that darn teacup. As I'm searching I heard a click, and I looked behind me to see a man as big as an elephant holding a piece in my direction.

I tried to sweet talk the giant, laying on charm like a mason lays bricks. just looking for the bathroom, I said. Big guy didn't seem convinced. He was just about ready to redecorate the room with my insides when he dropped like a log into a sawmill. Seems the dame couldn't deal with the boss man any more so she came looking for me. Clobbered the beefcake with a shovel and found her wn teacup to boot.

We got out of dodge faster that a greyhound after a rabbit and headed on back to my place. She asked me how she could ever thank me for helping her out. Just doing my job, I said, but it sure would be swell if she'd let me take her to dinner.