Thing 32: Your friend calls to say she saw you in the back of a police car yesterday. What happened?

Originally posted to Facebook on July 25th, 2013.

Thing 32: Your friend calls to say she saw you in the back of a police car yesterday. What happened?

"You have some serious explaining to do."

I responded only with silence. The disappointment in Anna's voice was a crushing blow which caused an anxious lump to rise in my throat. She was my best friend, after all. How could I possibly explain this to her?

"Well? I'm waiting."

"I don't know what to say..."

Her exasperated sigh assaulted me through the receiver. It felt like a punch straight in the dignity. "You can start with why you were in that police car. You're not exactly the rebellious type, so what happened?"

It took me a moment to realize that my hand was shaking. Despite focusing all of my tattered willpower to the act, I could not stop its motion.

I was afraid.

I'd been frightened before, of course. There was a distinct sinking feeling when you thought your life was in danger, like what I experienced when I had to get a needle. But not even my phobia could have prepared me for what I was now experiencing.

But this was different. This wasn't a fear for my life, or some unexplained knot in my stomach. I knew exactly what was happening, and I knew that I could do nothing to stop it. I had done the one thing I had hoped against hope to never do; the one thing that I swore I would never let happen.

I had let her down.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I sat in silence. I could hear her soft breat through the receiver as she waited patiently for me to be ready. Even now she was compassionate. She knew how difficult this was for me, though I doubt she knew why.

Seeing the officer's disaproving glare abover me, I took a deep breath and swallowed the last shreds of my pride. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Dom, I --"

Her words were abruptly cut off as I hung up the phone. I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not to her. She was better off not knowing. As noble as my intentions were, what I had done was unforgivable, and she would be better off if she just forgot about me.

It would be hard at first, as close as we were, but in time she could fill my small void with joy that I could never bring her. In time, she would realize that I was nothing special.

I had killed a man, after all. There was no escaping that.