Thing 11: Tell a complete stranger about a beloved family tradition

This piece was originally posted to Facebook on June 5th, 2013. It's pretty weird, but that's what makes it interesting.

Thing 11: Tell a complete stranger about a beloved family tradition

I whispered softly into the man's ear: "Excuse me..."

He awoke with a groan, blinking madly into the darkness. His comforter slid down a bit to reveal striped pajamas as he sat up, fumbling blindly for his glasses on the bedside table. As his hands found them, so did they find his tired eyes, causing the man to go stiff with fright.

The was a moment of stunned silence as he took me in. Being the lumbering giant that I am, the sight was rather imposing. I greeted him with a smile: "Hello!"

He responded with a scream, leaping backward and becoming hopelessly tangled in the sheets. As he struggled to free himself, I continued.

"Oh, don't get up, I just wanted to let you know about a family tradition of mine!"

He clawed desperately at the edge of opposite edge of the bed, dragging himself as far from me as possible. I expected as much, really. The whole thing was a bit atypical.

"You see, every year, one of us is chosen." I made a sweeping gesture with my hands as I proceeded, unphased. "There's this big lottery ceremony, full of prim and pomp. It's quite spectacular, really."

The poor man was beside himself, screaming such things as "who are you?" and "why are you in my house?" I decided I wouldn't hold it against him.

"Once the lottery is completed, a single name remains! In this case my own. The selected then randomly selects an address using a rather complicated alorithm, which narrows it down to a single house. In this case, yours."

He was really in a frenzy at this point. He'd made it to the phone on the other side of the bed and was mashing nines and ones in an order that I was fairly certain was incorrect.

"The selected family member then proceeds to the selected home, although I'm sure you've already guessed that part. You look the clever sort."

He had somehow managed to dial 911 and was quickly speaking into the receiver. "Hello, police, please help me. There's a man in my bedroom. My address is..."

"Once there,the selected family member is to present the resident of the aforementioned home with a gift!" I fished around in my pockets, my face alighting when I found the orb.

"Oh god I think he's pulling out a weapon! I'm going to die! Sir, please don't!"

I held it out before me, and the screaming stopped. He sat unblinking, holding hte receiver to his ear. I shook the orb a few times, encouraging him to take it. With his free hand he did just that.

"Have a good night!" With a smile and a flourish, I walked across the room and stepped out the window, climbing down the side of the house.

As I left, the man was stunned; silent. He just sat staring at the orb. I could fainltly here an officer on the other end of the receiver asking if he was alright.

The orb was small and silvery, having etched on its side seven simple words.

"Now you have something to talk about."