So you want to mod Skyrim: Series 1 - Getting Started

UPDATE 2015/01/03:  BOSS is, apparently, obsolete. It's been replaced by a program called LOOT. This is news to me, so I'll have to do a bit of research before I can give a detailed guide, but it shouldn't substantially change anything mentioned in this guide. I'll keep you posted.

Preamble

Hey all. It's been awhile since my last post, but here I am. I figured I'd come back with a bang and try something a little different from my usual. You see, there's this video game called The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim that I'm absolutely in love with. I got it when it first came out a little over a year ago having played its predecesor Oblivion for hours on end. Despite being a little buggy, it lived up to its hype in the grandest of fashions, and today stands as one of the best received open-world RPGs on the market. So, after sinking a good 400 hours into "Vanilla" Skyrim (here meaning mod-free), I decided to take the plunge into modding the game to expand on my experience and to smooth over some of the issues with the original game. I modded Oblivion extensibly, and so the transition was a familiar one. Both games have a very intuitive modding architecture and so the modding communities have flourished. The possibilities are endless.
That said, the process of applying mods can be a little complicated if you don't have a lot of experience, so I figured it would be nice to share my insight. Skyrim in particular has a few quirks that only experience or extensive research can help to overcome. I hope this guide is useful!
It should probably be noted that this is a Windows-only guide. If you can find a way to mod the console versions there's a medal in your future somewhere.

It's dangerus to go alone. Take this!

Before we embark on this journey we'll need a few things that will make your life quite a bit easier.

• Skyrim Nexus - This glorious community hub is where all the magic happens. The Nexus series of mod sites have the strongest modding communities that I've ever encountered, and the mods and resources contained therein are categorized and ranked by said community. This is the site that I used for everything that follows, so I would recommend that you do so as well.
• The Nexus Mod Manager (NMM) - NMM is a handy little tool that does a lot of the groundwork for you when it comes to mod organization and installation. By using this tool you save yourself the trouble of dealing with the data folder directly most of the time, and as an experienced modder I appreciate that fact more than you know. The alternative to this is Mod Organizer, which helps manage mod installations by creating a series of virtual folders to hold each mod's resources. As far as I know it's a great tool as well, but you use one or the other, so I made my choice and stuck with it. If you plan on removing mods often, managing resources could become a problem, and Mod Organizer simplifies that process a lot. This guide focuses on NMM, so if you'd like to use Mod Organizer instead, I'd recommend reading this. You might still find this guide useful, though.
  • Note: NMM (and a number of the other tools listed here) are used for a number of games, which you'll see when installing them. What you learn here will likely carry over.
• Better Oblivion Sorting Software (BOSS) - This is the MOST essential tool in your mod installation arsenal. BOSS basically tells you in what order your mods should be loaded to avoid conflict. This sounds like and afterthought, but it should be in the forefront of your mind at all times. A lot of mods are intertwined in ways that we don't really understand, and putting them in the correct load order is very important. Get this. Love this.
• Load Order and You: A Community Missive - In case you didn't believe me about load order being important, this is a stickied post with everything you need to know about load order in Oblivion. The most important take-away from this document is the explanation of "loadorder.txt" and "plugins.txt", nustled snugly in your AppData folder. I'll be going over how these are used in great detail later, so keep this handy but trust that I'll be saving you the trouble of reading it.
• Skyrim Script Extender (SKSE) - This is not necessarily required to mod your game, but many mods use it, and if you use any of those mods you'll need this. There's no active component to it (unless you use Steam, but we'll get into that later); you install it and simply run the SKSE loader instead of your normal Skyrim loader to have it run in the background and do a bunch of fancy script-related things that enhance your game experience.
• Wrye Bash - Also known as Wrye Smash (though I'm not sure why), this is a tool that allows mod merging and easy access to common Skyrim.ini edits. It's basically a mod manager for your mod manager, and it's damn good at what it does. I would highly recommend it, though it's not absolutely required unless you're getting close to the 255-mod limit that Bethesda games enforce. For me it's an efficiency thing.
• SkyUI - I'm likely going to get some flak for this one, but I would consider it to be an essential mod. At it's core SkyUI is an interface replacement mod. It adds categorization and sorting to pretty much everything, and adds some nifty groups to your favourites menu. However, the reason it's on this list is a little feature called the "Mod Configuration Menu," or simply MCM. By installing SkyUI you unlock a number of configuration options for other mods. Granted, not all mods use MCM, but a lot of the best ones do, so this becomes necessary to get the most out of your modding experience. Plus its interface is super useful. Trust me. (I found the Value/Weight column particularly useful)
• The Java Runtime Environment - I'd be surprised if you didn't have this already, but if you don't you should have it. Java's everywhere. In this particular case it isn't really necessary unless you're using SkyRe and the reproccer utility, but it's good to have, so I put it on this list.

SKSE and Steam: Helping Steam make its first friend

As I mentioned earlier, there are a few extra steps involved in getting SKSE to work with Steam correctly. You could always just manually load the launcher every time, but in a few short steps you can save yourself the trouble. Full details can be found in the original guide here. (This is the video I used, which is short and to the point. There's a longer video in the guide on Skyrim Nexus if you want something more robust)
The first thing you'll need to do is locate your Skyrim installation. Since you're using Steam, you'll have to dig a bit to get there, but in the end it should look something like this:

Navigate there now. It'll come in handy immediately, as the next step is installing SKSE. Extract/run the file you downloaded from their website and be greeted with the following:

If it's not there already copy the filepath for your Skyrim installation and paste it into the field, then hit next. If your Skyrim is up-to-date (and I don't see why it wouldn't be), a few seconds later the installer will quietly close and you'll be left wondering if it actually worked or not. It probably did, but let's check, just in case. Go back to your Skyrim directory, and you should notice a few new files:

Neat! Now look for the directory label "Data" (you'll need this often) and head inside. You should see two subdirectories, namely "scripts" and "SKSE." If those are there, you can safely assume that your SKSE installation was successful, and we cna move on.
Head back to the main directory and locate a file labelled "TESV.exe". This little guy is what makes Skyrim go. When you launch the game via Steam, it looks for that file to trigger the launcher. It will have a nice little dragon logo so you know it's legit.


Lovely, that looks important! Let's break it. Rename that file using whatever means you see fit (e.g. right click -> rename). It doesn't really matter what you rename it to (I used Skyrim.exe, but feel free to get creative), so long as it's unique and is not TESV. Dn't worry, it'll make sense in a second.
Now remember the skse files from earlier? Find skse_loader.exe. This is the file that allows SKSE to run on top of Skyrim while the game is running. Make a copy of this file. It doesn't matter where you put it, as we'll be moving it back shortly, but what the aforementioned guide didn't tell me is that you'll run into rather annoying bugs if that file isn't present in the install directory, because NMM and Wrye Bash won't think that SKSE is installed.
Now take your copy and rename is to "TESV.exe". See, this is where we make some derogatory comments about Steam's mother before we trick it into doing the ground work for us. When you move the newly renamed file back to your Skyrim directory (which shouldn't cause any problems because you remembered to rename the old one right? Right??), Steam will think that nothing has changed. But we know better. Man is stronger than machine. This time.

Almost there! One last step to make sure that everything goes smoothly. All we need to do now is tell SKSE where to find the default launcher. Find the file that used to be TESV.exe and note it's name, then navigate to the /Data/SKSE folder we saw earlier. There should be a folder called plugins and nothing else, but we're about to change that. Create a new text file and save it as "SKSE.ini". You'll need to use the "all files" type in notepad to get it to save as written, or just save it as "SKSE.txt" and change the file extension. In any case, you only need to add two lines to the text file to finish the process.

[Loader]
RuntimeName=Skyrim.exe

Obviously you'll need to replace "Skyrim.exe" with the name that you gave to your copy of the original "TESV.exe", but all this is doing is redirecting the SKSE loader to the new file, because it too was expecting TESV.exe.

And that's it. SKSE now works seamlessly with Steam. And everyone was merry.

And now for something completely different

EDIT: I found a nifty little "guide" today which has a bunch of mods and fixes that enhance quality of life in Skyrim. Definitely worth a read.
It's time for the meat and potatoes of this blog: mod installation. At this point I'm going to assume that you've installed NMM, BOSS, and Wrye Bash to your computer, so do so now. The installation for each is incredibly straightforward. My only advice would be to use a folder outside of the Skyrim directory to store mods downloaded via NMM (there's a dialog box during the installation process to this effect), strictly for organizational purposes. If you've got an external drive, use that. Some of the mods (especially the HD texture packs) are quite sizable. Anyway, down to business.
First things first, if you haven't played Skyrim before (or in a long time), start up a new game and fiddle around with it a bit. I'd say get at least as far as Whiterun for testing reasons. You'll want to be familiar with the space so that you can see when something has changed. I should mention that if you haven't played the Vanilla game you should do that first. If you're just installing HD textures or the like then you're not missing out and I would encourage you to go ahead, but the Vanilla content is very well done, and they've patched a lot of the bugs away. If you mod prematurely then you're missing out on a lot.
Now that you've spent a little time (or, you know, 600 hours) familiarizing yourself, close the game and load up your wonderful utilities. Throughout this process there are a number of things you'll want to have open:

• NMM
• The folder containing BOSS.exe (or just keep BOSS GUI.exe running throughout, but make sure you have "Show BOSS log on completion" checked. We'll be using that a lot)
• Wrye Bash
• The /Skyrim/Data directory
• The folder containing loadorder.txt and plugins.txt
• The Skyrim Nexus. It's good to have the mod page for the mod you're installing open so you can check up on known issues, optional files, etc.

The setup
Some tips before continuing:

• Install mods ONE AT A TIME. I cannot stress this enough. Installing multiple mods in between sessions, especially related mods, makes the process of finding errors/issues much more difficult. Save yourself the trouble of systematically disabling mods to find the source of the problem and pace yourself.
• Plan your final build ahead of time. Spend some time looking through the mods available on the Nexus and download (via NMM if you can) or make a list of all of the mods you would eventually like to install. Having everything prepped ahead of time will make the next tip much easier.
• Respect the load order, even before you've installed a mod. If you install the mods in the order that they'll need to be loaded anyway you'll make things a lot easier on yourself. This is especially true if some mods change the same files/scripts/meshes/textures, and thus would overwrite some files on installation. If you're feeling particularly enterprising you can download BOSS' masterlist and search for your mods to create a list ahead of time. As a general rule, install based on scope. For example, a mod that changes most textures in the game (e.g. 2k Textures), you'll want to install that before a mod that changes a specific texture or a small subset of textures (e.g. aMidianBorn Farmhouse). This ensures that the more specific stuff will be seen by the game. In the case of gameplay or mechanics mods, the more specific mods (e.g. a specific follower) often use resources or scripts provided by the broader mods (e.g. Ultimate Follower Overhaul).
• Some mods have "dirty edits," which can be fixed using the TES5Edit toolset, but if you aren't experienced I wouldn't recommend trying to do so yourself. Dirty edits won't usually cause problems, but they should be avoided. If you run BOSS and it mentions that there are dirty edits, check out Sharlikran's Compatibility Patches to see if a cleaned version of the mod already exists. I found this specifically via JaySus Swords.
• Get the unofficial patches for the main game and any DLC you own. They're a must-have to deal with any bugs that Bethesda missed.
• If you've done everything correctly but you still encounter infinite loading screens, try this mod

For the record, here's my current mod list, not including the texture and mesh replacements (e.g. Skyrim HD - 2K Textures, Calientes Beautiful Bodies Edition (CBBE, non-nude) [NSFW]) that do not have associate .esp or .esm files. ++ means that the mod has been merged with bashed patch, 0.esp through Wrye Bash, which I'll discuss later. You can generate this list for your own mod set using the "Mod Checker" function at hte bottom of Wrye Bash.

• 00 Skyrim.esm
• 01 Update.esm
• 02 Unofficial Skyrim Patch.esp [Version 2.0.0a]
• 03 Dawnguard.esm
• 04 Unofficial Dawnguard Patch.esp [Version 2.0.0b]
• 05 HearthFires.esm
• 06 Unofficial Hearthfire Patch.esp [Version 2.0.0]
• 07 Dragonborn.esm
• 08 Unofficial Dragonborn Patch.esp [Version 2.0.0
• 09 ClimatesOfTamriel.esm
• 0A JSwords.esm [Version 1.4]
• 0B SPIKE.esm
• ++ CalienteVanillaArmorTweaks.esp
• ++ ReProccerDragonborn.esp
• ++ Headbomb's Better Sorting - Ammo.esp
• ++ Headbomb's Better Sorting - Miscellaneous.esp
• ++ Hunterborn_Frostfall-Patch.esp
• 0C Chesko_Frostfall.esp
• 0D Better Dynamic Snow.esp
• 0E ClimatesOfTamriel-Sound.esp
• 0F StaticMeshImprovementMod.esp
• 10 StaticMeshImprovementMod-DragonbornTernFix.esp
• 11 StaticMeshImprovementMod-FurnitureChestSnowFix.esp
• 12 HARODATH_ImmersiveSoulgems.esp
• 13 Hunterborn.esp
• 14 Hunterborn_Dawnguard-Patch.esp
• 15 Skyrim Flora Overhaul.esp
• 16 JSwords_Load_Screens.esp [Version 1.4]
• 17 SkyUI.esp
• 18 Cloaks.esp
• 19 Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
• 1A DragonbornArmorFix.esp
• 1B hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
• 1C JSwordsDistributionBalancePlugin.esp [Version 1.4]
• 1D SkyRe_Main.esp
• 1E SkyRe_Combat.esp
• 1F SkyRe_CraftingFix.esp
• 20 SkyRe_EnemyAI.esp
• 21 SkyRe_EnemyScaling.esp
• 22 SkyRe_StandingStones.esp
• 23 Inconsequential NPCs.esp
• 24 Run For Your Lives.esp [Version 1.2.3]
• 25 When Vampires Attack.esp [Version 1.1]
• 26 Babette.esp
• 27 Headbomb's Better Sorting - Books.esp
• 28 Headbomb's Better Sorting - Ingredients.esp
• 29 Headbomb's Better Sorting - Potions (Half Weight).esp
• 2A Headbomb's Better Sorting - Soul Gems (PseudoVanilla).esp
• 2B Guard Dialogue Overhaul.esp
• 2C SFO - Dragonborn.esp
• 2D SFO - Expanded Diversity.esp
• 2E EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
• 2F ELFX - Exteriors.esp
• 30 ELFX - Dragonborn.esp
• 31 ClimatesOfTamriel-Dawnguard-Patch.esp
• 32 ClimatesOfTamriel-Dragonborn-Patch.esp
• 33 ClimatesOfTamriel-Dungeons-Hazardous.esp
• 34 ELFX - Dawnguard.esp
• 35 ClimatesOfTamriel-Interiors-Warm.esp
• 36 ClimatesOfTamriel-Nights-Level-4.esp
• 37 TheEyesOfBeauty.esp [Version 9]
• 38 The Eyes Of Beauty - Elves Edition.esp
• 39 EMCompViljaSkyrim.esp
• 3A EMViljaInSolstheimAddOn.esp
• 3B Inigo.esp
• 3C UFO - Ultimate Follower Overhaul.esp
• 3D UFO - Dragonborn AddOn.esp
• 3E CerwidenCompanion.esp
• 3F HearthfireMoveKidsfix.esp
• 40 SkyRe_Races.esp
• 41 Purewaters.esp
• 42 PurewatersDG.esp
• 43 PurewatersDB.esp
• 44 FollowerCompatibility.esp
• 45 Bashed Patch, 0.esp
• Delinquent Master: ReProccer.esp
• 46 ReProccer.esp
• 47 ReProccerNONPLAYERfix.esp

For today's guide, we're going to install some mods that are not currently on this list, but that I think will be a fun addition to the universe. First on the list is Book Covers. The default books are kind of ugly, and I'd like to see that get fixed. First thing's first, load up the mod page on Nexus and check to see if there are any known issues or obvious incompatibilites with the mods you already have installed or plan to install. You've picekd this mod out, so it has already piqued your interest, but if it's going to crash your game every ten minutes you should probably know that beforehand. The mod authors will often address known issues and compability in the mod's description. If there's nothing there, check the comments section to see if many people have been having recurring issues. This particular mod is incompatible with Read Books Aloud and Unlimited Bookshelves" -- neither of which I have, so that's not a problem.
So I've read the description, and this mod looks like it will get along nicely with all my other mods and make my Skyrim experience better, so it's time to head to the files section to see what's available for download. There will always be at least one main file required for download, but often there will be compatibility patches (usually for the official DLCs, but often for various overhaul mods as well) or alternate versions that you can download to tailor the experience a bit. For this mod, there's a standard version and an unsaturated version. There's also a collection of loose files if you want to do things manually or if you're using alternate installation methods. For us, the main file will work just fine (I like vibrant colours), so we'll go ahead and download that using NMM. There's also a patch that makes skill books and notes a little better, so I'll download that as well.
One-click acquisition
You'll see NMM's download manager (near the bottom if it's not expanded) now trying to access the Nexus servers to fetch your files for you. NMM has a nasty habit of popping into the forefront once it's accomplished something, so you'll know when the download has actually started. If you've downloaded NMM for free (which you should. Premium is a waste of money), you'll be limited to a total download speed of about 1MB/s, so if you're trying to download a lot of mods at once you'll be throttled a bit. It's best to do your downloading in small batches (usually 4 or less at a time), so try pausing the extra downloads until some have finished. You can do this by selecting an active download in the download manager and clicking hte blue pause button on the left.
Files are on their way
Some time later, you'll notice that your files are finished downloading (usually because NMM has popped stolen focus again. Oh, you). They'll now be present in the list of available mods (if you don't see them, make sure you're in the "mods" tab, not the "plugins" tab).

Now we need to activate them. When you have a series of files associated with the same mod (i.e. patches, alternate versions, addons, etc), make sure you adhere to the scope rule. Main files come first, and patches/addons come after. Though it's not imperative, another general rule is that when activating files associated with the official DLC, you would do so in order of release date (Main -> Dawnguard -> Hearthfire -> Dragonborn/Solstheim -> Official HD textures). To activate your mod, select it in the list, and hit the activate button on the left side. it's the second icon, and it looks like a puzzle piece with an arrow.


Some mods will use something called the BAIN installer, which allows you to choose some options while installing. It just so happens that Book Covers is one such mod. This lets you choose exactly what features of the mod you'd like to install. I have all of the DLCs, so I'm going to select all of the patches. I'd also like the enhanced notes, so I'm going to select that option as well. Note that some mods will have several screens of options (CBBE had four or five), so read each page carefully and make sure that you aren't enabling anything that would cause crashes. If there's an option for a specific mod that you don't have, don't select that option. If you plan on installing that other mod later, do it first. Again, consider scope. When you're done, hit finish, and the mod will start installing.



Lovely. That wasn't so painful! Unfortunately we're not done yet. Click the plugins tab and go tot he bottom of the list to check if your mod has any .esp or .esm files associated with it. If not, as is the case with many texture and mesh mods, you're done. This mod does have related .esps, so I'm going to go ahead and activate the optional Skill Books and Notes addon I downloaded earlier before we move on. It turns out that when I try to do so that there's a popup informing me that I don't have hte latest version, and that I should upgrade. This message happens a lot, and since you've just downloaded all of the mods you're installing, it's always wrong. I've yet to see a situation when you are actually expected to adhere to this warning. Click "no" and move on with the activation as usual.


Now we've got the mod and the features that we wanted activated. They'll appear at the end of the list in NMM and at the end OR the beginning of the list in Wrye Bash. Once you've confirmed that they've appeared in NMM, switch over to Wrye Bash and check to see if any of the .esps we've added are mergeable. Mergeable .esps appear in green text in Wrye Bash, and should be marked by default, but just to be sure I like to select the newly added esps, right click them, and click Mark Mergeable. It will run a check and provide a brief report on which mods are able to be merged. Note that any time something is changed outside of Wrye Bash, when Wrye Bash gets focus again you'll be notified that the relative dates have been updated. Ignore this dialog and continue. It turns out that none of the Book Covers .esps can merged, so activate all of them. If you have other active mods you'll get some nasty red warnings. Don't worry about those. We'll deal with them in a second (alternatively, they might go away of their own accord. In either case they are inconsequential). In the screenshot below I've moved the mods to be next to one another, but they still aren't in the right place in the load order.

Now it's time to sort them. Go to your BOSS folder and run BOSS.exe. If you're using the GUI version, ensure that you are sorting the mods and that this is not a trial run (there's a checkbox for that).


Once that's done running you'll get a nice and thorough mod report in your browser. If it's your first time seeing the log, there will be a little intro screen that you can safely ignore. Click the checkbox on that page so you never see it again. The important part is on the left side. There will be a summary on the main page (under Summary), an outline of your SKSE installation, including plugins, and the important part: Recognized Plugins.

Select the Recognized Plugins tab and you'll see a list of all of the mods you have installed, with a bit of a note for each one. Sometimes there will be additional information, such as tag suggestions, dirty edit warnings, or notes about how to deal with errors. What you need to pay the most attention to is the order in which the mods are listed. This, my friends, is your load order. You can scroll or use ctrl+f to find the mod you just installed, and note the mods that are immediately before and after each .esp you just installed. You'll need to go into NMM and Wrye Bash and manually move those .esps around to match the order that BOSS provides. When in doubt, BOSS knows all. You should always defer to that list for load order unless you're absolutely sure you need to use a different order. (If you're curious what Babette does, it's the Dawnguard patch for The Eyes of Beauty)



Double check to make sure that everything agrees. It's very important that they do. All active mods need to be in exactly the same order. Note that merged patches should not be active, and thus it doesn't matter where they go in the list. I tend to put them right after the .esm files for sorting in Wrye Bash, and in the location they'd be in if they were active in NMM so that the true order is preserved. Once you've finished your check, open up loadorder.txt, which can be found in your local AppData folder: "C:\Users\<youruserid>\AppData\Local\Skyrim". If you're just starting out, this file will probably be empty. Loadorder.txt and plugins.txt are what really determine the load order of the mods for Skyrim. You need to make sure that both of the files contain the list of active mods in exactly the order that they appear in the other programs. I use Wrye Bash as my reference. Just write the name of the .esps, EXACTLY as they appear in the other programs, into the loadorder.txt. One mod per line, no commas, file extension included. When you're done, it should look something like the following. Note that the inactive mods are not included in the list. Also note that you MUST include the .esm files, including the basic game files. Everything has to be in this list. There should also be a blank line at the end of the file.

Now open up plugins.txt. It's probably going to be pretty ugly if there's anything in there at all. I'm not sure why, but BOSS does some nasty things to this file. We're about to fix that.

Yup, that's pretty terrible. This file needs to match loadorder.txt exactly, so go back over to loadorder.txt and copy everything (ctrl+a -> ctrl.c). Delete everything in plugins.txt and paste the loadorder.txt data into the file (ctrl+a -> ctrl+v), saving both files. And with that, you should be ready to test.

So here's the fun bit. Time to load up Skyrim! As an aside, you'll see an option called "Data Files" in the loader. This is the Bethesda way of adding mods, and it's really terrible. You can open it up and peek inside, but try not to change anything. If you do, make sure that loadorder.txt and plugins.txt are still correct. If they are not, you will encounter problems. Anyway, once you're in game, look around for evidence that the mod has been successfully installed. In my case, I'm going to go look for some books.
Books in world
Books in inventory (skill book to boot)
Read a note
And there you have it! It looks like everything works. I was going to do some other types of installations to deal with other common occurrences, but this took forever to write and it covers pretty much everything, so I'm going to leave it at that.
Happy modding!
~Dom

Thing 43: Write a scene that begins with "Joe was the last person on Earth I expected to do that."

Oh, hi internet. I didn't see you there.

Yes, it has been a mighty long time since I have let my keystrokes draw me to the literary domain. Sadly I've been rather busy with school, and so my literary exploits have dropped significantly in priority. I will not be able to update regularly, but I owe it to myself (and to you, I guess... If you're reading this you must care a little) to try a little harder.

Without further ado, here goes nothing.

----------------------

Thing 43: Write a scene that begins with "Joe was the last person on Earth I expected to do that."


I'm going to cheat just a little. I want some buildup.

---------------------

Damien took a deep breath before stepping onto the small dais. The muted sound of his footsteps on the plywood were drowned out by the defiant roar of the park's great arbors, shedding gold and crimson leaves in the autumn wind. The vibrant colours of fall stood in stark contrast to the black attire of those assembled.

The crowd was silent, stoic, as he positioned himself in front of the stage's modest podium. Their silence hung thick in the air, as if their gloom were sucking the oxygen from every breath and replacing it with a deep ambience of hopelessness and despair. Damien's small cough into the mcrophone could barely cut through it.

He shifted his weight and took a moment to prepare himself. He could barely draw breath past the lump in his throat. Casting his gaze over the crowd, he steadied himself and began:

"Joe was the last person on Earth I expected to do that."

There was that lump again, his sadness a catalyst that caused it to grow to unmanagable proportions. For nearly a minute his voice became trapped in his throat. The crowd sat silent still. He was grateful for their understanding.

With a deep swallow, he forced the lump away. A chill of protest ran down his spine, but he ignored it and continued.

"My brother was not a very outspoken man. I'm sure most of us just saw him as a grumpy loner. He would lock himself away, casting his disapproving gaze upon the world below him. He was aloof, distant, quiet.

"We used this as an excuse to let him fall out of touch. He was a difficult man to get along with, and the effort to do so seemed to present an insurmountable challenge. To be frank, we were comfortable, and to bring Joe into our lives we would have to become uncomfortable, and that was not okay. I can understand the feeling, as I'm no stranger to it myself. Joe and I were never particularly close, because I, like many of you, could not make the effort to strengthen our relationship. I was willing to let it go.

"Well, I think now we know how great a mistake we made. Joe wasn't a grumpy loner locked in his tower; he was a man broken and disappointed by this world. He lived every day of his life saddened by what we've become. Joe was a man who allowed himself to live in silent squalor because he gave everything he had to those in need. He kept himself away from us so that he could spend time with those who needed him the most. His unsung and anonymous contributions to the community have created ripples that will spread through generations. Though he refused to take credit for his actions, he brought hope to the darkest corners of this city.

"In the end, that dedication cost him his life. My brother died quietly, alone in an alley, having tried to save just one more child from a life of violence.

"This monument will stand as a testament to that dedication. My brother will be an unsung hero no more. Joe shall be remembered for doing the best things in the darkest of times, and for hoping the best in the most calamitous of times.

"To my dearest brother, the silent hero of a community that needed him more than it knew:

"Rest in peace."

Down but not out: Hope on the Horizon

Hello my faithful and incredibly disappointed reader(s)!

So yeah, I suck. I'm trying out the whole "productivity" thing with regards to my school work this term, and it's proving to be a bit heavier of a responsibility than I anticipated. I don't really have the time to dedicate to writing right now, which is unfortunate for me (and you, I guess, if you're reading this).

The good news is that I have NOT given up on this initiative, and when I stop being horrible at life and have caught up a bit I'm going to try and push out a few more entries. I might toss in a D&D character at some point as well, as I made a whole bunch of them that still don't have stories. I was going through a phase...

Anyway, to the point. Were I you, I wouldn't check back regularly, but I would expect some content to pop up relatively soon; probably around Thanksgiving. If I have the time I will push out as much content as possible then to make up for the lack of content preceding it.

Uselessly yours,
~Dom

Thing 42: Something you've always regretted saying.

Hello everyone,

It's been a long, long time since my last post. I could make the excuse that I've been busy with school and my fraternity, but where there's a will, there's a way, and frankly I've been willing other things. Regardless, I'm taking the time tonight to add another passage to my collection. Let's see what the book has in store...

Thing 42: Something you've always regretted saying.

"Take a seat, John."

John Sanderson, a mousey man in a worn down suit, took his place across from his smartly-dressed colleague. He seemed utterly out of place in the leather chair he had been offered, its opulence standing in sharp contrast to his modest demeanor. Despite this, a smile sat comfortably on his face. Material things rarely found the opportunity to dismantle his genuine nature.

Tobias Schmidt -- prim, proper, prudent -- sat opposite. The warm light of his office shone in sinister relief within the gel of his hair. His coif, his dress, and his demeanor were immaculate; calculating. Here was a man who left nothing to chance, and who desired all things. He deserved them, after all. His ego would allow for no other reality.

"Lovely office you have here, Tobias. It's very regal."

The slightest hint of a smirk crept onto Tobias' face. It was a small gesture whch cast a large shadow, veiling the peasant before it in disdain. "Why thank you. I like to think of it as a reflection of myself."

John smiled and leaned back in his seat. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Tobias removed his hands from the arms of his chair and folded them deliberately in his lap. "Yes, let's cut straight to it, shall we? How are things with Evelyn?"

"Oh, things are wonderful!" His eyes looked distant as he thought about the girl he loved. "I think I'm really smitten. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"And you're close?"

"Certainly. I'm meeting her tonight, in fact." John's expression turned quizzical after a brief flash of thought. "Why do you ask?"

Tobias' eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he allowed the tension in the room to build. Silence was his weapon, and he wielded it with deadly intent. When he thought John could take it no more, he provided sweet release from the vice of anxiety.

"Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?"

Taken aback, John's eyes widened. "Whatever do you--"

"Think, John. Look around you." A single, slender hand motioned to the plush decor with a dismissive wave. "You say that she's the best thing that's ever happened to you. Do you think there might be a reason for this? You," another dismissive wave, "are a nice man, but a woman like Evelyn needs more than nice. She needs stability, drive, eloquence; all traits you lack. She is a delicate flower, ready to bloom but for your lack of poise.

"Think carefully about what you are. Could you ever provide her the future she deserves? You can barely take care of yourself. How do you expect to take care of her?"

Again, the silence. It thickened, festered with disdain and uncertainty. The mousey man sat before a dragon, and felt the full weight of his own inadequacy.

"Should you enact your intentions, she will likely follow. Too pure is she to reach for that which she desires, and so she would live in squalor to suit your needs. She deserves better than what you could provide. If you feel the way you claim, then provide her the opportunity to spread her wings. If you love her, set her free."

The dragon clenched its jaw, and the mousey man's heart, trapped within, burst into a thousand screaming pieces.

"I... I don't..."

"And you never will."

The finality of it hit John like he imagined a train might. His shortcomings weighed upon his soul, dragging it to the murky depths of anguish.

In John's mind, a single image shone bright and clear: Evelyn's smile. The innocence and purity of it made his heart soar, struggling against the anchor of his own emotions. A single tear formed on his cheek at the thought of it.

Eyelids closed, shutting out the fanciful room and leaving only Evelyn's shining profile, but the more desperately he grasped for it, the farther away it became. The chains tightened and tugged and ripped and tore.

"You are not worthy, Jonathan. Set her free."

John's mind raced with and endless torrent of dreams he could not fulfill, luxuries he could not provide. One by one they assaulted him and tore him down. He was putty before the dragon.

He was bested.

With a sniff and a brave clearing of his throat, mouse met the dragon's eyes. "You're right, of course. I supposed I dared to dream." Another tear appeared as he rose from the leather chair and straightened his jacket. "I shan't dare to do so again."

Tobias said nothing. Having accomplished his goal, he was more than content to allow his prey to leave. Weak men would forever remain weak, and to him they were nthing more than an obstacle to be discarded.

Outside the office, John slowly pulled his phone from a pocket in his frayed coat. A moment of contemplation forced resolve to overtake despair.

If you love her, set her free.

Before he knew what was happening, a familiar tone rang through the receiver, as if the phone had dialed itself. Unblinking, he raised it to his ear, awaiting the fateful moment to come.

"Hello, Eve. I was hoping we could talk."

Thing 41: What would you run out of the house with if your house caught fire?

Well, school's back in. I'm hoping hat having responsibility again will keep me motivated rather than barring my creativity, and as such I hope to produce more regular content. Here goes nothing...

Thing 41: What would you run out of the house with if your house caught fire?

It starts as but a hint of sensation. The warmth creeps over you, gentle and inviting. It is a childhood friend, a beloved pet, a pleasant memory sparked by a wayward dream.

But the warmth grows more bold. A rivulet of sweat provides evidence that perhaps the warmth is not coming from within. Your covers, so tightly wrapped about you, become a prison. Their comforting protection against a night of terrors is now a suffocating burden.

You open your eyes, trying desperately to clear the fog clouding your mind. The world is a blur, and your senses are assaulted by phenomena beyond understanding. Around you echo inhuman screams, cloaked in a synaesthetic nightmare of red and orange.

Each frantic blink washes away another layer fog. Your room slowly comes to focus as your haze is banished. The screams reveal themselves as the piercing ring of the fire alarm. The colours reveal themselves as the hungry tendrils of flame consuming the life you've built around you. For a moment a pang of despair consumes you as your belongings are consumed. All you've worked for, gone in an instant.

Despair turns to panic, for your life is in danger. Your belongings may soon be followed by your person. The flames grow ever closer, and you are a fragile being. Should you remain it would surely mean your doom.

Panic turns to resolve, for you realize that there is another in this place; another whose precious life must face the perilous flames.

It is the one you love. Above all, this one must be saved, for your life is nothing before theirs.

You fly out of the comfort of your bed, for no blanket can hold back the beast you now face. Arid smoke enters your lungs and burns your pupils, but you ignore it. It will not deter you from your goal.

With gritted teeth and firm resolve, you rush forward, into the clawing flames.

They must survive.

Story Challenge 4: Shades of Ignorance [Part 2]

Part 1: http://idlemindunhinged.blogspot.ca/2013/09/story-challenge-4-shades-of-ignorance.html

This story's pretty weak. I'm sorry. I should have chosen some more outlandish topics to write about, but once I get an idea in my head it's hard to shake it sometimes. In any case, part two below. I doubt there will be a third.

----------------------

Hayden shook his head in dismay. "'Unlawful use of internet resources?' Really?"

"Unfortunately," responded Jorge, standing before his comrades, "they've made blogging illegal. Apparently content like Mr. Nye's webisodes are cluttering up their valuable server space."

Catherine leaned over to address the rest of the group to her right. "Why would they go after blogs? I mean, there's like a billion porn sites that take up way more space."

As she opened her mouth to continue she was interrupted by Jayne's condescending chuckle. "There's money in porn," he explained. "Besides, people might get a little snippy about losing blogs, but they'd be up in arms if you took their precious porn away."

Conceding the point with a nod and a shrug, Catherine leaned back in her chair and looked once again to Curtis. His silhouette cut an imposing figure before the armed men on the screen behind him.

He let the silence thicken in the air about them as their thoughts stewed on the events unfolding around them. When he felt they could bear it no more, his steely voice shok them from their contemplation.

"Our information indicates that the NSA's African data farms are nearly saturated. Pretty soon they'll be looking to expand, and so they're clearing space on the cloud the sow the seeds of expansion. It's a digital empire, and pretty soon it will cast its shadow over all of us.

"With the US government at their back, they are expanding virtually unopposed. Nobody wants to risk starting a war that they don't think they can win, and no other intelligence organization can match the NSA for resources or manpower.

"We are the only thing that stands in their way. If we fail, the NSA may very well take over the entire world."

Gerald's scowl sat in harsh contrast the the solemnity splayed across the faces of the others. "So what exactly are we supposed to do? Neither the KGB nor the MSS can stand against these guys. What do we have that they don't?"

"Easy," replied Curtis. His smirk sent a chill down their spines. "Home field advantage."

Story Challenge 4: Shades of Ignorance [Part 1]

It's time for my next STORY CHALLENGE! Sadly I don't think this one will be as outlandish as the others, I have compiled my favourite suggestions:

- An episode of Bill Nye gone horribly wrong
- Blogging is now a criminal offense
- The NSA have used up all of Africa as a data storage centre and need a new continent to hold their records
- An intriguing political thriller about the expansion of empires
- A conspiracy

Without further ado, let's have an adventure.

Web pages used in this writing:
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_transitional_fossils#Dinosaurs_to_birds
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Rights

Part 2: http://idlemindunhinged.blogspot.ca/2013/09/story-challenge-4-shades-of-ignorance_8.html

-----------------------


The mood in the room was tense as dinosaurs and microscopes flashed haphazardly across the screen, its flickering light illuminating the seven solemn faces assembled before it. The room remained silent save for Bill Nye's familiar theme song. As it ended, the show's namesake faded into view.

"Hello everyone! Welcome to Bill Nye's Science Revival, where I, Bill Nye, answer your questions about the wonderful world of science! We've had a lot of great suggestions for this week's installment, so let's jump right in to episode three!

"PaleontologistBoner69 asks: 'Can you talk a bit about transitional fossils? I'm particularly interested in links between dinosaurs and birds, such as the Archaeopteryx.'

"Well I'm glad you asked, PaleontologistBoner69! Despite your unfortunate screen name you've touched on a topic that has had scientists and historians alike excited for a very long time. Fossils such as the Archaeopteryx are called transitional fossils because they provide evidence of a link between two unique sets of organisms, in this case dinosaurs and birds. This link implies that the creatures from the first set, over time, have adapted and evolved into creatures from the second set, in essence providing some concrete evidence for the theory of evolution. Now, what I find to be particularly interesting --"

A sudden crash shocked him out of his monologue as heavily-armed officers burst into his home. Within seconds he was surrounded by the foreboding matte of dozens of rifles and the stern men holding them

"Bill Nye, you are under arrest for unlawful use of internet resources. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law."

The flickering of the screen stopped as the pause icon appeared. From his seat, the group's leader walked to the centre of the room, the terrified face of Bill Nye in stark relief above him.

"This was posted two days ago. They're getting bold."

-----------------

I know this is disappointingly short, but honestly after PaleontologistBoner69 most of my immediate creativity has been lost. I started writing this yesterday, and this is all I've come up with, so I'm going to post what I have and work on making something half decent in the next installment. Sorry.

Thing 40: Describe each member of your family with just one word

Hey all. It's currently 3:05 AM, EST. I guess it's time for a new blog post. Why not, right? Hopefully I'll fix up my sleep patterns when school starts up again, but for now I get some of my best work done at odd hours in the morning.

As a reminder, this is Thing 40, so my next entry will be a STORY CHALLENGE! I don't have many suggestions at the moment, so please send me your ideas! It's not much of a story if nobody participates.

Anyway, on with the literary exercise...

Thing 40: Describe each member of your family with just one word

Darn it, I hate these kind of restrictions. One word is woefully insufficient to sum up any type of person, and I think it is an insult to their complexity. I'm going to fudge this just a touch and select my word, but I will follow up with a justification for that word.

I'm also going to stick with just my immediate family, who I grew up with, as truth be told I don't know my half brothers and sisters very well. I'm not enough of a people person to have reached out to them enough to become particularly close. That's not to say I don't love or respect them as family, because truly I do. It's just that I don't have enough information for my analysis to be valid.

-----------------

Who: My father, Alfred Aquilina
Word: Rich
Why: I should clarify that this is not rich in the monetary sense, but rather in the context of a rich history. My father likes things that are old; especially boats, military heirlooms, and Maltese historical sites. Things and places with a noteworthy past draw him in and pique his fascination.

Ships appeal to his idea of freedom and exploration. He loves the idea drifting across the ocean on a small vessel, and seeks the stories that such vessels may have experienced.

Military heirlooms appeal to his sense of duty and his curiosity into human nature. Our family has a long history of military service (for example: http://www.militarybruce.com/unpublished-news/centralia-sam.html), and so military history holds a special place in his heart. His fascination with military artifacts pays homage to the sacrifice that soldiers make for their country.

Maltese historical sites appeal to his sense of family and his nostalgia for the land of his birth. Malta is a small country with a huge history, and for the first ten years of his life, my father called it home. It's not often he has the opportunity to return and visit the relatives that stayed behind, but he loves his country, and seeks nostalgiac escapes whenever he can.

History, to my father, the is lifeblood of a people. Where we have been moulds who we are today, and so one cannot move forward without first looking back. His passion for his career (social work) stems from his desire to understand and help people. This passion has led him to publish a book which is sometimes used as a textbook in northern communities (http://www.amazon.ca/Mackenzie-yesterday-beyond-Alfred-Aquilina/dp/0888390831) and has him working diligently to prepare another that will explore the history of our family back to its roots.

For these reasons, my father is "rich." Rich in history, and rich in character.

Who: My mother, Mercedes Aquilina
Word: Difficult
Why: Sorry mom, but we both know it's true! My mother has led a fairly difficult life, and has battled innumerable health issues over the years. Her most recent and most severe battle is against Parkinson's disease. While she is fighting bravely, her road is not an easy one, and each day provides a new set of challenges to overcome.

A host of other issues have also severely restricted her diet, making food a sore issue most of the time. I often joke that my mother has a food-free diet, which isn't too large a stretch from the truth. No wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no meat. Finding a meal that she can eat without suffering side effects makes Waldo look like he's wearing a flood light in an empty field.

So yes, my mother is difficult, but it's not really her fault. Life's dealt her a bit of a blow (from first-world standards, anyway), and she's doing her best to roll with the punches. (P.S. - I had to think pretty hard about how to say this without mixing metaphors. I don't think I did a very good job.)

Who: My Brother, Vincent Aquilina
Word: Passionate
Why: The easiest explanation for this choice would be my brother's music. His band, the Faraway Neighbours (http://farawayneighbours.com/), has been a huge part off his life for years now. Working as a cook to pay the bills, he's toiled day and night to craft his sound into something unique and wonderful, and the boys have built something they're very proud of. Their first album was recorded, produced, and mastered entirely on their own in their off hours, and they're trying desparately to get their second out to the adoring public. You can read a little more about this particular passion on their CBC feature (http://music.cbc.ca/#/artists/Faraway-Neighbours).

But music is just one facet of his life. Vince, like myself, was taught to treat every responsibility as an important one. When he sets his mind to something, he will give it his all, and he'll make sure that the job is done right. Take one look at his immaculate workstation and you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about. He's always willing to take the time to ensure that his station is properly cleaned and organised.

Furthermore, my brother has a passion for family. He's the guy that reaches out to our relatives because he genuinely cares what's happening in their lives. Even as I write this he's over in Saint John's attending a family wedding, 3000 kilometers from where he's made his home. It doesn't matter that it's inconvenient; what does matter is family. We didn't particularly like each other as kids (to be fair, I was not likable), but he would always come to my aid when I needed it. I'd often lie through my teeth and he would be there to pick up the pieces.

For these reasons, Vince is "passionate."

Who: The late Ice, our family dog (second in my lifetime)
Word: Naiive
Why: To be honest, this would describe most dogs, but I think my cute little dog was a special kind of adorable stupid. (For reference: http://imgur.com/VB3dPJN)

Ice was not a strong learner. It's possible we were horrible teachers, but I think we'd had him for five years before he could sit on command. once he eventually learned how to shake a paw he would do it whenever anyone came close, out of what I expect was sheer enthusiasm. By the time we had to put him down he still hadn't learned to to lie down, or to stay out of the kitchen. Part of me wants to chalk this up to excessive eagerness, but in the end I just don't think he was clever enough to grasp what we were trying to tell him.

The best example of his ignorance was probably his nosebleeds. There was a winter one year when his diet seemed to be lacking something, and as a result his nose would get incredibly dry. Every so often, this dryness would cause a bit of a nosebleed, where the tiniest of cracks would appear on the tip of his nose and a miniscule but steady stream of blood would shoot out. Despite our best efforts to contain him, he would start licking up the trail of blood, which kept expanding in front of him because it was coming out of his face. He'd follow this trail in circles all around our landing, and we' have to follow him around cleaning up the mess and trying to get him to stop moving so much until the bleeding stopped. This happened (at least) seven or eight times that winter, and every time he would react in exactly the same way, completely surprised. It was both hilarious and frustrating.

Despite all of this, we loved the poor guy. Being the terrible person that I was, I certianly didn't show it as well as I should have, but that never stpped him from coming back. I spent more time yelling at him to shut up than showing affection, but he was always happy to see me. Now that I know better I have a deep respect for that kind of innocent love. He didn't remember the bad stuff -- he just knew that we were his family, and he loved us unconditionally.

Sadly, we had to put him down a few years ago, as he had a host of illnesses and his life was becoming really difficult, but I'll always have a special place for him in my heart, naiivity and all.

Thing 39: If each decade of your life was represented by a pop song, what would they be?

And so it continues. Writing these has been a really interesting experience for me, and I'm a little upset that I don't have the motivation to continue doing so regularly. In any case, I'll do my best to make my writing interesting when I do get around to it.

speaking of which, we're on Thing 39, so the next story challenge is coming up! That means I'm looking for suggestions about what I should include. Feel free to leave a comment below with a few topics that you'd like to see included!

Thing 39: If each decade of your life was represented by a pop song, what would they be?

Well, that's a bit disappointing. I've only had 2.2 decades thus far. Furthermore, a lot can change in 10 years, so I don't think a period of that granularity is really an apt representation of the time therein. Rather than follow this verbatim, I'm going to express my life in stages of varying periods.

Note that the songs I choose will likely not be perfect. I've got a pretty decent library (a little over 9000 (nice.) songs on my computer) with a decent amount of variety, but finding a song that describes something so intricate and complex as a human life with any degree of accuracy is pretty much impossible.

In any case, I'll give it a shot.

-----------------------

So one day, I was born. It wasn't really that important an event in the grand scheme of things. Hell, I was the eighth child between my parents, and I'm told my birth was incredibly uneventful as births go. All in all, my birth means nothing.

But here I am.

So it didn't mean much, but it happened. What is important about this event is that it started my journey. Without it, I wouldn't be here today. All that I've known, felt, accomplished, would not exist. And I was not alone. I had my parents to guide me, to fill my empty head with ideas and sounds and hope.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life with the intro track from Aquaria's official soundtrack, written by Alex Holowka.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4g_k333NWM

...

So then I began to grow. I'm told I was a cute child, which I suppose is a matter of interpretation. Regardless, I did have an incredibly vivid imagination. This is a trait I'm particular proud of, and that I retain to this day. I dreamt big -- really big. I wanted to be an inventor, and start a bar in a double-decker bus. I wanted to be a powerful wizard and fight evil in Power World.

At this time I was still pretty innocent; just a naiive child learning all he could about the world around him. Reality didn't mean a whole lot back then.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life with Ellie Goulding's Starry Eyed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBf2v4mLM8k

...

So then the evil set in. I was a terrible, terrible child.

Now at this point you're probably chalking this up to "kids being kids" or some other such nonsense. To put it bluntly, you're wrong.

I was a terrible, terrible child.

This was not my parents' fault. They taught me well enough, and I had a loving home.

I was a terrible, terrible child.

First and foremost, I was angry at everything. Always. I portrayed this anger with yelling, and violence, and indignation. I can't remember a day when I didn't scream about something. I would throw my schoolbag around. I would yell and cry.

And there was no good reason.

I was a terrible, terrible child.

Secondly, I was entitled. I was pretty intelligent for a kid my age (or at least, I knew more than my peers at that stage), and by god did I ever milk that. I thought the world belonged to me, and I was PISSED when others disagreed. And I was selfish. Oh, was I ever selfish. I would fly into a fit of rage if somebody didn't stop whatever they were doing to cater to my whim.

I was a terrible, terrible child.

That phase lasted a long time. It's sort of like the dark age of my life thus far.

For this reason, I  would describe this  part of my life with a fairly obvious choice: Down With The Sickness, by Disturbed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzxuknbQ5VY

...

So then I realised what a horrible person I was. I started making actual friends for a change, and I legitimately wanted to become better. In grades seven and eight I thought that one day, with a little work, I might actually become a decent human being.

I'm not sure what it was that made me open my eyes, but I knew I had to make a change. I couldn't help but be ashamed by what I'd left behind, but there was hope.

There was always hope.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life with Hot Chip's I Feel Better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GOZjlwIwfk

And because the music video's a bit weird, he's the song on its own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-Y07r8n6W4

...

So then I got to high school, where two pretty important things happened.

First, I met a girl, and I became (unhealthily) obsessed with her for 4 years.

Second, I realised I was still the same conceited bastard I used to be, but with a bit of a better mask.

This realisation didn't really sink in until closer to my graduation, but despite my big talk I knew deep down that I wasn't doing all that I could. In fact, I wasn't doing much of anything. I did get straight A's in highschool (except for a 78 in grade 10 history), if I actually gave a damn I could have done significantly better. I wasn't involved in anything extracurricular, and when I made friends it was more of an accident than anything else. I seemed to think that because I was in IB I was better than everybody else. It hits you pretty hard when you realise just how wrong you are about something. (P.S. - I'm pretty sure grade 10 was the first time in my life that I ever said "I was wrong.")

I suppose you'll want to know more about the girl... There's not much to tell, really. I fell in lust with a girl who I found to be incredibly attractive, and I put her on an impossible pedestal. I thought she was perfect. The more I learned about her, the more I realised that she was anything but, and I began to hate myself. As terrible as I thought she was, I still saw myself as worse, and I sunk into a deep depression. I hated myself both for liking her so much (I called it love) and for not being good enough for her.

High school had some high points, but it was a very sad time for me.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life with Korn's Liar. There are a few reasons for this, but I'll let you figure those out on your own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H-JK5AdlXw

...

So then I started university. For a very short time, I was genuinely happy.

A very short time.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life with Tool's Intermission.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSvtGQUqldA

Alternatively, having turned over a bit of a new leaf, Hey Ocean!'s I Am A Heart may also be fitting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oWlcImcS6A

...

So then reality hit. It wasn't long before UW began to jade me. I began to resent a lot of things, and the depression came creeping back.

The bittersweet edge of this depression was perspective. I'd lived a number of pretty powerful emotions up to now, and it left me with a very strong understanding of who I am and what needed to change. My strengths and my faults all became abundantly clear to me, and the path I needed to take was fairly well-lit.

The heart of the matter is that I am not happy with myself. I haven't been for a very long time.

But, I know I also have some redeeming qualities to counteract the not-so-redeeming ones. My goal is to cultivate those qualities, and one day became every bit of the man I know I should be; the man who lives the qualities I preach.

For this reason, I would describe this part of my life -- the most recent, heartwrenching chapter -- with Imagine Dragon's Demons. I can think of no better representation than this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSoIWEGL1YM

So there you have it. This musical interlude isn't a particularly happy one, but at least it's honest.

Thing 38: The next blockbuster medicine and what will happen as a result

I've been on a bit of a hiatus, and I apologise for that. Not that I have any fllowers, really, but I tried to commit to posting regular entries from the book, and I haven't done so. In any case, here's to the next one.

Thing 38: The next blockbuster medicine and what will happen as a result

Crap! I had a great intro written for a game that I want to develop which fit this topic perfectly, but sadly I've lost the book I had written it in. I wish I could find that...


Anyway, the premise is simple. Researchers believe they have discovered a cure for AIDS. The disease works by weakening your immune system and making you fatally susceptible to other illnesses and infections. The proposed solution was to introduce a virus into the host that would bolster the their immune system by regenerating dead white blood cells. In animal trials, the medicine worked perfectly. It didn't remove the disease from the host's system, but it counteracted the negative effects, effectively neutralising it.

Issues arose, however, when the first human trials were conducted. Something about our specific biology caused the virus to evolve in an unexpected and horrific way. Instead of simply bringing dead white blood cells back into action, viral cells would split and infest all of the host's cells, eventually replacing them entirely. The new being was single-minded in its purpose: produce more viral cells. To do this, the virus needed to be spread into a new host, such as through blood or saliva.

The virus created zombies.

What's worse, is that in order to spread more effectively, the virus evolved. While it couldn't seem to survive in aquatic environments, it could expand in a limited capacity to the air. The contact strain remained 100% effective in converting hosts (with dead hosts converting more quickly), the airborne strain only converted about 40% of hosts. An additional 40% of those who came in contact died outright, with the virus overwhelming their systems and halting further regeneration. That left 20% of humanity immune to the airborne strain and facing off against an ever-growing horde of the undead.

Down but not out, humanity rallied in whatever ways it could. The zombies had a strong sense of self preservation, as their primary directive was to create additional viral cells, so settlements were able to crop up and remain reasonably safe. Small groups were able to live in the wasteland using their wits and survival skills, trying to outsmart and outmaneuvre the undead. Slowly but surely, the survivors began to dwindle, but hope lived on.

We weren't about to give up that easily.

Notes:
- This idea stays true to the "undead" philosophy of the zombie mythos by effectively reducing the scale. The individual cells of an organism are killed, and then regenerated by the virus, so the host is mutated into something that is no longer strictly human.
- In this world, animals are not compatible with the mutated virus, so zombies and wildlife tend to avoid one another.
- The actual percentages for mutation and death of the airborne strain are subject to change. I'd need to run some simulations to get an idea of how many zombies there could be such that humanity could live on without being utterly overwhelmed.